By: Chef Tamago
Relationships are hard. This is a fact for everyone in the world and the same is true for the Japanese also. And yet, there is a deep longing for relationships in Japan; a nation that has taken much pride in the unity and social harmony that exists from Hokkaido to Okinawa. Many have found a way to get along with one another but just getting along is not good enough as it leaves many feeling empty and alone.
God created us to be in relationship from the beginning. Adam was in relationship with God, and God created Eve seeing that it was not good for him to be alone. I’m not saying there are not those kinds of relationships in Japan because they do exist. But many of the relationships lack intimacy, depth and love. The vast majority of relationships are convenient, mechanical, surface level, professional and not personal. This is surely true in the workplace where you talk shop and interact as though you have no personal life, always keeping others at an arms length. Even at home, mothers and fathers sit with their sons and daughters silently eating their meals together while being miles apart relationally.
There are little to no people that they can open up to, someone to be honest and real with. People tend to keep silent, wearing the mask that says “Everything is fine, and I/we are happy” just to keep up appearances and to maintain their grasp on the flimsy relationships they have. But what about a friend that’s closer than a brother? Like Jonathan was to David? Someone where there is no fear of offending, or scaring away. A longing exists for relationships where you can be yourself and not have to cover your head for fear of the hammer coming down on it. A person you can walk out of the grey world of professionalism and into the vibrant, colorful park of the personal with.
I see this in the many common interest groups, soccer clubs, English meet-ups groups, etc. There is obviously the instant connection with the shared interest but I would argue that there is also a desire to step out into a place where individuality and inner lives can be expressed and there will be acceptance from others.
The reality is, that deep relationships, these rich blessings from God, are formed just as much by differences (in opinions, feelings, etc.) as they are commonalities. This can be difficult in a land that prizes conformity.
When I was in Japan, I noticed that there was a desire to get to know others and be known through my time at the English meet-up groups. The atmosphere in that little Czech bar was unlike what I saw in the streets, the restaurants, etc. There was an excitement and a joy as young adults broke from the confines of their language, their careers/college, and restrictive elements of their culture. There was a freedom to share thoughts and opinions which would not be popular or embraced in other company. Thoughts like “My parents want me to follow this path, but they followed that same path and are very unhappy. I don’t want that life for me.” It was not just an English group, but a place of healthy rebellion where new connections could be formed and friendships started outside of their school, family and work circles.
The wonderful thing is that groups like this can form around the preexisting traditions and culture. In the colder months, in Tohoku, people gather outside and make potato soup and talk together. Hanami parties where people of all ages plan to meet at a park and celebrate under the blossoming cherry trees. There is no shortage of ways to connect with Japanese/international friends for fun and the forming of what has the potential to be life long relationships through which we can share and model Christ.
With ever advancing technology it is becoming increasingly difficult for young people to connect in person. This does not mean they do not want to; many just don’t know how and/or they lack the courage to reach out. Though I made some Japanese friends who are very outgoing, many (like myself) tend to be more introverted, quiet, shy and sometimes socially awkward. I mean this only as an observation and acknowledge the unique gifts of introverts.
One on one interactions and small groups can be incredibly effective then in helping people gain confidence in their pursuit of relationships and the sharing of their faith. Just because someone is quiet, it does not necessarily mean that they don’t want to talk. I learned these lessons over a summer of High School ministry and Christian camps in and around Tokyo Japan.
During the camps in particular, I learned the importance of being intentional and taking the initiative in pursuing relationships/conversations with some students. Many have not had solid examples, even in their homes, of open and strong relationships. They have not had it modeled for them. Camping trips and retreats are great ways to start investing in someone and that might just become a foundation for a continuing relationship. It also separates everyone from the technology that we often use to hide behind.
We as children of our relational God, have an amazing opportunity to show others how to live relationally and to model community as God intended in Japan and wherever we are. With relationships comes risk; of being hurt, misunderstood, rejected. There are also great rewards found in relationships such as friendship, accountability, shared experience, joy and growth.
We need look no further than the example of Jesus who poured into His disciples and closest friends. Jesus formed deep relationships with them and still was betrayed, denied and left by them. Jesus knew this and yet pursued relationship with them out of His great love for them. We also see the impact of the relationships many disciples had with Jesus as we see the boldness and courage of Peter in proclaiming the Gospel, and the writings of John. Many were saved because of the people Jesus invested in, many of whom we do not even know about (John 21:25). Let’s have the heart of Jesus toward the Japanese and start exploring the ways we can form community and real life changing relationships with them; accepting the reality that though difficult, they are worth the effort.